A piece of my dark cloud
I am feeling very despondent all of a sudden, and very lost about what is becoming of me. I don’t feel the drive to work hard towards a goal. Or do i have a goal? I have made so many bad choices. In fact, all the choices I have ever made were bad. I thought that I would bring them a better life, but I have realized now what I have done are all in vain. Yet, I am already on a path of no return, on the way of which I might have screwed up my chance of going for what I really want, and my happiness. It feels like a dream, that I am doing everything in a routine and sleep-walking manner. I feel out of control, and can find no way back to where I want myself to be. I like to keep myself busy, so that I feel useful, satisfied and achieved. But where am I heading exactly, hiding away from the sorrow that I can’t even afford to show. Now I know I must put all these losses aside, because he is not one of high self-esteem and he is not one who can put away all his troubles to sleep soundly at night. I must smile, be satisfied, and be happy. It is all that I can do for him now. He’s willing to and has already made so much sacrifice for me, so he shall not see the sorrow. If it must be an illusion for us all, let it be. Let those who should not be hurt be protected from harm.
posted by jingzhi @ 12:15 PM
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